So, 2020 (a lot of thanks to Covid-19 or Corona virus) has been mental !
Mix that with leaving Helen Willard (I wonder if she’ll change her name back to Helen Donnison or Helen Conlon ?), so far this has been a year of SERIOUS personal growth, counselling, self analysis .. a lot of focus on myself.
So today I thought I’d write about some things.

Covid-19 Lockdown

So, Covid-19 (or Corona virus) hit the world, and New Zealand decided to lock the country down.
No flights in or out, and all people ordered to stay home 😲

I locked myself down a bit earlier than most as I have Asthma and chronic Bronchitis.
Of course I coded a wee timer to keep track of how long I’ve been in lock down 🤣
covid-19 counter

So I’m setup at home, alone (after I left Helen Willard last year), with not much to do .. I wonder what I could do?
I could drink 🥂



Not allowed on the boat 😭
And I really miss this view, would love to go out on the river again.


Weirdly, I’ve always baked 🤷‍♂️
Not sure why, but I have … here is some of my Covid-19 lockdown baking efforts


Feijoa Cake


Lemon Cake


Carrot Cake


Potato and Onion Soup + Cheese Bread


Of course Lexi is getting a thorough walking every day 😆 🐶 🐾🐾


And then coming home and arsing about on the couch


And I’ve had some babies

Relationship and Personal growth

Warning, this bit will get a bit serious !

So on September 15, 2019 I told Helen Willard ( or Helen Donnison or Helen Conlon ) that I was leaving her.
I cited severe emotional abuse, Narcissism, severe Gaslighting, and the final straw was the day I begged Helen to give our relationship some attention, and she responded by throwing things at me.
Pretty terrible time to be honest.
And to be fair, I wasn’t the best guy in the world. I was messed up.
I was always angry. I was always on defence. I had completely closed off from Helen. Hell, I even built another room so I could get away from her!

So I told Helen I was leaving. Over the next month, through some reasonably calm conversations, I confessed to recording our conversations for almost all of 2019 (I still have these recordings).
In these recordings were clear evidence of Gaslighting, absolutely lies, and so much manipulation from Helen.

Anyway, she, in a typical narcissistic manor, denied, confused, befuddled, manipulated … whatever. I still hadn’t learned really what narcissists are actually like; that was about to change.

The healing

So, first things first, get to counselling!
I was introduced to a man called Glenn, he’s a counsellor.
At first it was many sessions of “Let’s talk about your abuse, and how to heal from it” kind of thing.
Most recently (yep, I’m still seeing this dude, and still getting value), it is more “Let’s do some homework on improvement”.
Last week the homework was “identity: who am I? how do I identify myself? and am I displaying this identity publicly? and why is this identity important to me?”.
Pretty heavy stuff!

I’ve also enrolled in a group called the Brojo Self-Development Community. It is a super intensively honest group, where the conversation gets very VERY intense.
Plus I spent a lot of time learning about covert narcissism. Michele Lee Nieves has some great information.

Dan from the Brojo Community shared this. I thought it was amazing !



So, by February 2020 I’m feeling pretty good.

  • I’m a regular at Friday night Foundation bar drinks, and met some new people, which is super cool.
  • I’m in regular contact with Matt, Georgia, Ashleigh, Neville. That’s super cool!
  • Susan Trodden and I have reconnected, that’s super cool!
  • I’ve started a new hobby ( I’m on a Boat Motherf*cker )

I realise I have friends that love me (You lot know who you are)
I have family that loves me (Ash, Georgia, Matt, Karen, Tori, Lyndon, Wendy, Marion)


March, I dunno, I’m in lockdown, a bit bored, I hit Bumble, the dating app.
April 1st, my second conversation on Bumble turns into a big conversation .. it’s now May, and the conversation is still going.
There’s been a couple of sleepovers 😮
It is super cool! She is also kind - like actually kind .. well, she’s kind so far, at least 🤣🤣

Reality check

I’m also aware that everything has a season 😝
So yep, right now I’m in a good season. I’m really happy. I realise this too shall pass. I’ll have tough times in my future, but right now I’m going to enjoy the serene, the tranquil, the road rising to meet my feet, the gentle breeze of life on my face; long may it last 💖 🥰 💕

What’s next ?

🌨️ 🏔️ ⛄ ❄️ 🏂 ⛷️


plus I really want to see Karen again




❤. Your stories are fabulous. You have so much to offer. I’m lucky to be involved in your life xx


Here’s a crazy update 🤪
Almost 2 years since I left Helen, she dropped some of my “things” with a mutual friend.

Now that might seem nice, but here is why it’s not:

  • She has made contact directly with me in May 2021 about some junk mail, why now include a friend (probably coz she’s lonely and wants an excuse to a: keep in touch with the friend, and b: engage with me again). See below: She has recently broken up with yet another man (she leaves a trail of them behind her).
  • She is still in contact with my family. If she doesn’t want to talk to me, why not go through family, rather than involve a friend?
  • I’m still in contact with her family, she could have asked one of her daughters to contact me?
  • I’ve been gone 2 years. Clearly what ever the stuff is, is not important to me (a fishing rod was mentioned).

The fishing rod
The story behind the fishing rod needs explaining.
As I was packing my stuff up 2 years ago to leave, she made a huge deal about “her” fishing rod.
It was hers! I wasn’t to take it .. she watched like a hawk, while I packed up my fishing gear, and then checked after I was gone with me “You haven’t taken my fishing rod have you?”
So why give me a fishing rod?

Here’s where knowledge of narcissism helps.
This allows her to do some things in the future:

  • Show how wonderful she is to her friend, because she returns “my stuff”, after all, why would she have a fishing rod, it must belong to Paul.
  • Make contact with me in the future to ask for the fishing rod back, because she made a mistake. Now this last point has two possible plans for attack from her:
    1. I throw out the fishing rod; that gives her ammunition to point out what an arsehole I am. or,
    2. Engage with me again, and weasel back into my life.

Of course all this behaviour can very easily be explained away, or just flat out denied.
And pointing it out to her is just what a narcissist wants, to engage, so they can gain control over a person.
Recently I read a story written by her detailing how I called her “selfish”, and didn’t allow her to do things she wanted to do.
And in the very next paragraph she writes she broke it off with a bloke recently because he wanted to spend one day with her, but she wanted to paint her fence.
Interesting note: before I left, I told her “Your house has some power over you! You constantly choose your house over good relationships with people.”.

anyways …
I want to write this down, because I know it will come up again .. narcissists never stop.
And I like documenting things 🤣.


Wow .. so, one day after I comment, she messages me to ask if I want a decanter that she thinks belongs to me 😲
I mean, she’s obvious ok contacting me? Why involve a friend? 😕

And why on earth does she think I would want something so unimportant after nearly two years?
Answer: Narcissism

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